Fighting the undying urge to text you in the middle of the night and tell you that I love you only gets easier every night. It’s not comforting that it gets easier, it only gets more and more real every single time.
I realize more and more every day and night of my life that I’m truly alone. I’m alone because I push my parents away, every single time they try and get close to me. And other than that at this moment and time they are the only people I know at the moment that truly care that I’m somehow slipping into this distant dark place once again in my life.
But the worst part, is that on a daily basis, I am slowly starting to realize that I may have never loved you. I may have never been in love with you. But more so the idea of what I thought and hoped with all of my heart that we could someday be. And the more that I realize that that will never happen, that that day will never come, the more alone, I feel.
Lately the only time that I am okay, is when I am drunk.
And I don’t like it.
